Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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