the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
