i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize