you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
