if i died would you start the facebook group?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
