cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
