Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
false alarm, still single
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
