I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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