i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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