And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
