fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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