The best revenge is premature balding
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
