I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Randomize
