ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
