Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
