laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
