Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
