True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
