How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
