it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
