After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
