This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I still have a little drunk in my system
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
