Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You took a bar mat shot.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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