I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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