My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize