plz talk dirty to me
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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