That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Randomize
