I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
