I wish i was in the wii world.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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