no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
