That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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