5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
