Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
