so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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