I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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