I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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