Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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