While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
