When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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