I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
