My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
