I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
bring money and cleavage
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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