That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
