I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
