She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
