Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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