my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
