please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
