Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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