yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
