Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
