can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
