Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
