I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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