Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
