yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
meet me or not, i'm out of control
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
i believe in u and ur pee
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
