Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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