i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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