I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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