I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
