i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
