You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
