4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
sarcasm needs its own font
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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