Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Of course I have a pirate flag
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
