i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
