You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize