I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
